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Post by prymal on Mar 14, 2011 20:57:47 GMT -5
Here we go, just for fun! Click and tell me what you guys think! Don't hold back (for good OR bad!) Attachments:
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Post by DustinM on Mar 17, 2011 13:50:10 GMT -5
Prymal,
Great work!
I read and liked your Ice Cream Chronicles story very much. So this is how it all ends for Reggie - with echoes of other lives he'd not himself lived and remanents of battles long ago fought, both his friends and enemies lost to him. You injected great pathos and poignancy into Reggie's later (final?) days. It really tugs on the heartstrings as he looks at the burned out hearse and begins playing out 'Have You Seen It?'.
Chuckled heartily at the "An actor? Far out," line. Very clever!
This glimpe into the Phantasmverse seems to be on the periphery of the main story. I'd be interested to read your take on the main conflict between Mike and the Tall Man. Or perhaps other side stories into characters we lost touch of - Liz, Tim, Rocky, Jody and others. Perhaps a tale set long ago in the past or far ahead in the future.
(I might also add that the Andy Griffith show was a sitcom, not a variety show that musicians regularly performed on. Here in ol' North Cackalacky, I live not too far from the actual Mayberry where they have an Andy Griffith festival each year!)
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Post by prymal on Mar 17, 2011 19:56:51 GMT -5
Haha! You have mad my day, Dustin! Just a response would have been great, but such a polite one is awesome! I don't fancy myself a writer, just a storyteller. I actually posted a commentary a few weeks ago about wanting to know what happened with Liz, Tim, Rocky and all of the others. It was titled Sentinel Revolution under Perigord (i think) if you wanted to read it. I actually plan to post more chapters (a little longer, but not so long they are boring) if you guys were interested. I will try to post every Sunday or Monday here in Death Valley, so stay tuned! Hey, i am REALLY glad you caught the Reggie references, so here is one you probably didn't know: The reason i referenced the Andy Griffith Show, when i met Regg in '08, he told me when he was drafted to Vietnam, he was playing with a group called The Greenwood County Singers and was doing music for Andy Griffith! I thought that was a cool story! Again, thanks so much for the cool feedback!!
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Post by scubasteve on Mar 20, 2011 13:30:18 GMT -5
I really enjoyed it too, I really like the idea of playing out different existances in different realities throughout the space gates. If you have the urge to write more, maybe we could see one of these realities. I love a depressing ending, very nice.
There were one or two things which didn't scan grammatically or linguisticaly for me (say using hemi instead of 'cuda), but these are minor points. What usually helps me is to read a story aloud to myself (or to someone) and if you trip over some parts, then it's usually an indicator something is wrong. Something which may sound right in your head may not be right on paper. Hope that is helpful...keep writing.
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Post by prymal on Mar 20, 2011 17:11:15 GMT -5
Thanks, Scubasteve! All hints, pointers, and even criticism are appreciated! I also like those Phantasm-esque endings myself (somehow, too happy an ending doesn't seem "realistic")! If any grammatical errors are making it through to the final copy, i do apologize. My writing is often pronounced with the way it looks (i.e.- you will notice sometimes i leave a sentence standing alone instead of a complete paragraph or i intentionally misspell a word for pronunciation) for a (hopefully) more dramatic effect. It drives my spell check crazy, LOL! Again, thanks so much for the kind words and support. I will be posting the first chapter tonight (sunday 3-20), or tomorrow night here in Death Valley. The prologue was very short and the following chapters will be a bit longer, but i plan to keep them short for an easy 10-15 minute read. To be honest, i have the outline in my head, but i am just now writing as we go (i find writing in "real-time" more interesting when possible) so i am along for the ride the same as the reader, lol. So, here we go, lets see how this turns out...
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vitaman2007
Sentinel Sphere
"Be de be de be de...f#@ you Buck!"
Posts: 698
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Post by vitaman2007 on Mar 21, 2011 12:14:33 GMT -5
Yes. Very Good.
I'll check out these other pages now.
I think I read somewhere that Stephen King said in order to get good, you have to write everyday. Sorta like learning a musical instrument...practice, practice, practice. Must have a strong foundation or it's evident.
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