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Post by scubasteve on Apr 14, 2011 7:24:53 GMT -5
Hi guys, I've finally got my act together having been inspired by prymal's writings and pulled my thumb out to finish another phan phiction. A little bit different this one, but I hope you enjoy it. As always, comments and criticisms welcome. All the best Steve Attachments:
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Post by scubasteve on Apr 14, 2011 7:26:57 GMT -5
Oh, I've blotted out any profanities in case of falling foul of any regulations on the Board. But I think you could probably work them out
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Post by prymal on Apr 14, 2011 20:51:38 GMT -5
Steve, that is a great story!! I have to say i am a bit jealous, i had actually thought of that location for a stop off point in my story, but i just couldn't make the connection that you did so well!! Very cool, i enjoyed it very much, good job man!
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Post by postmortem on Apr 14, 2011 22:54:45 GMT -5
Wow, what a story! Steve, you and Prymal do this forum proud. It's such a joy to see creativity flowing once again here! The title gave me a chuckle because I kept thinking about that chocolate ice cream with marshmellows and nuts. lollol You really brought New Orleans to life--especially its subculture of voodooism. In fact, when the old lady called the Tall Man a borkor, I was so thrilled to discover a different interpretation of him and to Wikipedia that word. Oh, and the Baron, and Loa, and... Well, let's just say I learned a lot today and it was all great fun! The old lady reminded me of a mix of the old woman in "The Stand" and "Phantasm's" fortuneteller. I would have loved to have seen more of her, to have learned more about her--and especially to perhaps have seen her go toe to toe with the Tall Man while Rocky took on Mike! I'm sure the old woman must have had a few tricks up her sleeve, no? Really loved the idea of an organic "good" spacegate to rival the Tall Man's. So many juicy ideas here. Would have loved to have seen more of Rocky's powers--maybe even a testing phase upon her return before she had to face Mike and the Tall Man. Meaning... this story just begs for expansion, Steve. You have such a wealth of material here that could be drawn into several rich chapters of their own. Finally, loved Mike's insight into the Tall Man being, after all, just flesh and blood. That reallllllllly intrigued me. Wouldn't it be fascinating to see just a little bit of a "crack" in the Tall Man's omnipotent facade--to make us question if their is a humanity in him, and whether he is pure evil or perhaps has some pro-humanity plan (however twisted) in mind? The old woman's term for him implies (I think) a potential for both white magic AND black magic, no? (Loved the parallels with Voodoo's "zombies" and such!) Kudos to you. Prymal is bringing Reggie to life--with all its wonderful comedy. And you have given us insight into Rocky that only one other writer (to my knowledge) has attempted. Keep writing, both of you. I'm loving it!
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Post by scubasteve on Apr 15, 2011 6:33:27 GMT -5
Thanks guys, as always. I've already been thinking about a sequel to this story and hopefully it will come to me in time. I had thought of more descriptions of the powers, but that will have to wait for now as I want to put a slightly different slant to it all.
the whole voodoo thing came to me after reading a book about zombies, most of which was about where the ideas have originally come from, with most of it being Haitian Vodou. I thought, hey this sounds exactly like the Tall Man. I had to do a bit of geographical research on New Orleans though, having never seen it. Although I must admit, James Bond and Disney have helped a lot with that.
Prymal, keep going I really love the ideas you're coming out with and if you still want to set a story in New Orleans, just go for it! I don't have dibs and it's such a strange, almost gothic place. Think how many vampire novels have been set there. Write how you want to write and best of luck to you
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vitaman2007
Sentinel Sphere
"Be de be de be de...f#@ you Buck!"
Posts: 698
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Post by vitaman2007 on Apr 19, 2011 14:31:52 GMT -5
Didn't see that coming. Nice twist.
"No GMO's! Go organic Girrrrrrrrrrrrll!"
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Post by DustinM on May 10, 2011 15:06:54 GMT -5
Steve,
What a marvelous story! You've expanded upon the Rocky character in a very satisfying way while creating an instantly endearing character with Marie, the old woman. Glad to see that Rocky's streetwise smarts have not abandoned her, nor has her armored but soft regard for other people (seeking to help the old woman). Your wide knowledge of New Orleans and Creole culture is also fascinating - your research thoroughly paid off.
"He dropped to his knees and fell to the ground, a marionette with strings cut."
You visualize things so nicely for the reader by implanting such fantastic imagery in your writing. I'm digging it.
"His are of metal, mine are organic. They are the antithesis of his corruption, but they function in the same way."
BRILLIANT. I love that - truly. This is an exciting new development and I would love to read more about this organic antithesis to his corruption. Might this expand to other things? Dwarves? Spheres? Zombies? Energies? You've expanded upon the mythology so well here that I have to wonder... did you begin writing and then uncover these new ideas? Or did your new ideas drive your writing and the story?
Now I've a great deal of Pyrmal's work to catch up on!
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Post by scubasteve on May 11, 2011 14:12:19 GMT -5
Firstly, thanks very much for your praise. I’m very flattered and thrilled that you like it so much. As I mentioned in an earlier thread, it all really started out reading one book abut zombies and the bokor and thought hey, that really sounds like the Tall Man. Almost down to a tee. I was staring at the 25th anniversary poster and was looking at the tall Man’s tie pin and thought that he could have some powers within that and how could one of our protagonists defeat him.
That coupled with some thoughts about rocky herself led me to choose her for a story, as I feel she is left out a bit sometimes, even though she is the only person in the films, other than Reg who gets away from Tally. A very underused resource there I think. New Orleans was chosen really due to the voodoo aspect again and I must say that Google Maps is amazing for reference. And I must admit that both James Bond and Disney have helped to visualise things too.
Prymal, after reading one of your conversations with goph, are you from around that area? You mentioned Amelia Isle. Is that Georgia? Are you near swamps/bayous? That must be fantastic.
I would love to read more about this organic antithesis to his corruption. Might this expand to other things? Dwarves? Spheres? Zombies? Energies?
I hadn’t thought that far ahead, but that’s a great idea and some thoughts are already formulating.
did you begin writing and then uncover these new ideas? Or did your new ideas drive your writing and the story?
It’s a bit of both, some ideas I have from the start and others just evolve naturally from one day to the next. I think I changed the original idea 3 or 4 times before settling on an outcome. Mainly to allow an option for a sequel. I think Prymal has shaped those ideas somewhat into something more solid.
Things will be a bit crazy over the next few weeks, but will start something soon
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Post by prymal on May 11, 2011 20:37:24 GMT -5
Hey, Scubasteve! I live on Amelia Isle. it is off of the very first exit in Florida crossing out of Georgia. There are swamps here, most are open field marshes but some are more bayou-like. The woods would be semi-tropical to semi-jungle, i love it! I grew up in North Carolina, about as far west as you can go before Tennessee, so the woodland there is quiet different than down here. Just about 1 1/2 miles from the condo where i live there is a civil war era fort called Fort Clinch. You pay at the gate and drive a good ways through jungle until you get to the fort, it is fantastic! The beaches over there are less crowded and beautiful, we just had my Granddaughter's 5th Birthday there Saturday on the beach. That area was what made me think of New Orleans for my story, but i just could not put anything together with it. I think you did that beautifully, very original my friend. Of course, with the civil war reenactors manning the fort, i always think of Oblivion's flashback with Mike, lol. One day, hopefully soon, i will get off my butt and take some pics of the area and post for you to see. The Okefenokee is only about 60-70 miles away in Georgia, that is why we are getting the ash from the wildfires there. One last thing (i really didn't mean to write this much, lol), Saint Marys, Georgia is only about a 20 minute ride from here and they have an old cemetery that you can walk through. Mausoleums, angel statues, old headstones, man, i was looking for the Tall Man to jump out on me at any moment, or at least see a dwarf run by.
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Post by scubasteve on May 12, 2011 10:35:29 GMT -5
That just sounds awesome, I'd love to see some of that countryside. I must confess I did google the area, so I have an idea. There is fertile ground there I think for any horror story. We don't get much American history taught over here, mainly I think because it involves beating the crap out of the English.
We get tons of amazing cemeteries over here, ancient, old and creepy. Unfortunately, some are poorly maintained and become hideouts for junkies and alcoholics. I have quite a few pictures of these knocking about, so what I think I'll do is create a new thread in 'Everything Else' and hopefully we can all share a little bit of home.
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Post by prymal on May 12, 2011 10:59:47 GMT -5
That would be very cool! Google St. Augastine, Fl it is just below me. It is the oldest populated city in America FULL of history!
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vitaman2007
Sentinel Sphere
"Be de be de be de...f#@ you Buck!"
Posts: 698
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Post by vitaman2007 on May 12, 2011 11:37:56 GMT -5
...We don't get much American history taught over here, mainly I think because it involves beating the crap out of the English. Just think it's only just begun. U.S. by sea, Scotland by North, and Ireland by South. ;D We get tons of amazing cemeteries over here, ancient, old and creepy. Unfortunately, some are poorly maintained and become hideouts for junkies and alcoholics. I have quite a few pictures of these knocking about, so what I think I'll do is create a new thread in 'Everything Else' and hopefully we can all share a little bit of home. That's to bad. I've stumbled upon some old classics myself. Should make a great thread.
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